We got the call

 

We got the news a week ago that we could officially take foster care placements and today our first one arrived.
Our friend is 14, she is quiet, gentle and has exceptionalities. We went for a walk around the neighborhood as a family and she pushed our boy in his stroller and smiled as she told my husband about our trip to dollar tree for snacks, crayons and a coloring book.
I’m awake now, while the house sleeps, anxiety stealing my rest. Is this the calm before the storm? I worry.
Are we making her feel comfortable? Safe? Will she wake up tomorrow and be angry that she’s here? Will I try too hard with my people pleaser personality? Will our son bite her? (he’s 15 months and in that phase now). All the questions. All the thoughts. All the self-doubt. 
And yet the love I feel trumps it all, gives me hope and peace. Knowing we have friends praying for us, a God that loves us, and a bed occupied by someone in need helps me breath out all the anxiousness.
I don’t have to have the answers, know exactly what to do or be a perfect host.
When I called my husband to discuss our yes or no for this placement he reminded me that “If this is what God has for us he will do the heavy lifting we just have to be obedient” 
So, our foster season has officially begun and although my mind is racing my heart is full. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

It is hard

We have had the boys for three days now and I'll be honest, it feels like it's been a week. Today was a hard day. Y’all, it was a really hard day. Our 8 year old friend tested a lot of boundaries today. From hitting others and ignoring directions to slamming doors and yelling during work calls. It was a challenge. I was embarrassed, frustrated, helpless and exhausted. We understood now why we weren’t his first placement. It’s tough.  When Damien and I sat down to decompress tonight I told him I’ve fallen more in love with him through this process and I didn’t think I could love him more. He shared his appreciation for my pushing us to do this.  After a hard day we both felt grateful, not just for each other but for our 8 year old friend and the opportunity to learn and grow in love.  I told Damien tonight that I realized for the first time I know we are walking by faith. We said yes to kids we’d never seen and have loved them from the minute we met. I’m not talking the feeling
Read more

What if

Our first placement left as quickly as she arrived and although it was short lived we were attached. We wanted to know where she was going, could she come back to us if she needed, and I had a list I wanted the next caregivers to know. She said she’d miss us as she left and just like that a piece of my heart went out the door with a smile and a wave.  No less than 72 hours later we got another call, this time for two boys. Brothers, ages 8 and 2! We will meet our newest friends tomorrow and so today .. I nest! I don’t know what other word to use to describe how I feel when preparing for children I’ve never met. It’s just like preparing for my newborn. Hoping I have it together but knowing I don’t. Getting things tidy, organized and ready for the unknown. I told my friend, Beth, this morning that I clean and organize to distract myself from the panic. That’s how I felt when I was pregnant too.What if he comes now and I’m not ready? What if he doesn’t like me??  I feel the same today. Wh
Read more

Faith over Fear

I thought of this post while driving to church today and during the sermon he said exactly what I was thinking of “faith is the enemy of fear” not doubt. We all have doubts but we shouldn’t let that turn to fear and stop us from moving forward.  This week we found out our boys may be leaving us sooner that I anticipated and I felt myself get angry then sad then worried but the reality is we got into fostering to give kids a safe space until they can reunify. We love our boys and we’ve loved on their parents. We give the extra phone calls, invite them to church (they came for the Christmas service and the boys loved it) and do extra visits when we can. We didn’t do this for us we did it for them. “Them” as in the families not just the kids. Life is hard. It isn’t fair. It is a beautiful mess and can leave us full of doubt but I refuse to let that turn to fear. We will love on these boys and their family and when it’s time to say “see you later” to our boys, my heart will hurt, but it is
Read more