What if

Our first placement left as quickly as she arrived and although it was short lived we were attached. We wanted to know where she was going, could she come back to us if she needed, and I had a list I wanted the next caregivers to know. She said she’d miss us as she left and just like that a piece of my heart went out the door with a smile and a wave. 

No less than 72 hours later we got another call, this time for two boys. Brothers, ages 8 and 2! We will meet our newest friends tomorrow and so today .. I nest! I don’t know what other word to use to describe how I feel when preparing for children I’ve never met. It’s just like preparing for my newborn. Hoping I have it together but knowing I don’t. Getting things tidy, organized and ready for the unknown. I told my friend, Beth, this morning that I clean and organize to distract myself from the panic. That’s how I felt when I was pregnant too.What if he comes now and I’m not ready? What if he doesn’t like me?? 

I feel the same today. What if they don’t like the toys? What if they don’t like us!? And so I do all the things to distract myself from the what if’s because the reality is .. even if they hate the toys, they’re still safe. Even if they don’t like us they’re still loved.

I’m learning to turn my what if’s into even if’s these days. Because even if we have the absolute worst experience there will still be room for more. More kids in need. More broken families needing love and support. Even if it’s hard to watch them go, and know pieces of my heart will be taken .. why keep it in my chest when I can share it with the rest!?

Prayers for us as we welcome our newest friends tomorrow! More to come on them....

Until next time,

V

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