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Faith over Fear

I thought of this post while driving to church today and during the sermon he said exactly what I was thinking of “faith is the enemy of fear” not doubt. We all have doubts but we shouldn’t let that turn to fear and stop us from moving forward.  This week we found out our boys may be leaving us sooner that I anticipated and I felt myself get angry then sad then worried but the reality is we got into fostering to give kids a safe space until they can reunify. We love our boys and we’ve loved on their parents. We give the extra phone calls, invite them to church (they came for the Christmas service and the boys loved it) and do extra visits when we can. We didn’t do this for us we did it for them. “Them” as in the families not just the kids. Life is hard. It isn’t fair. It is a beautiful mess and can leave us full of doubt but I refuse to let that turn to fear. We will love on these boys and their family and when it’s time to say “see you later” to our boys, my heart will hurt, but it is
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Love others

Tonight our oldest was on a call with his mom, I was across the room. Usually she reads him something before bed like a prayer but tonight she prayed. As I listened to the mother of the boys I tuck in each night and smile at each morning, my heart was humbled.  Tonight as she thanked God for us and her boys and asked for protection and blessing over us I was reminded of this verse. “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.” John 8:7 You see, we go into things with bias. We go into things guarded. We go into things anxious. More often than we care to admit we judge those around us.  Often people say they couldn’t foster because they wouldn’t want to give the kids back. I get that, it is going to hurt but I do want them to go back. I’m cheering for mom and dad. I’m hoping and praying for reunification. God loves us, but if you’re familiar with his word he really loved the needy, broken, hurting, lonely, lost people. I see people write about how “Judas ate too”
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The difficult

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Often anxiety and depression remind me I do not come close to “having it all together” and let me tell y’all I have definitely not had anything together this month. November has been difficult for me. Aniexty and depression tormented me. One week in particular felt like an entire month. That week was the hardest week I have had all year. It went something like this....  Monday our  oldest friend had  craniofacial  surgery requiring a two-week recovery  period . He came home  on Tuesday  and both boys had  visitation with their family . On Wednesday, all three of the nuggets   were home  with me for the holiday. Thursday, our littlest-one  had  an ups et tummy so  home he came .  Friday our youngest pup had  surgery.  I also found out my grandma was in the hospital but was stable. Early Saturday morning I  got the call  that  she went home to be with Jesus.  Her death was unexpected. I was not ready for that call.  I do not remember what we had for dinner, if I even cooked. I was needy,
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You can foster too..

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"Strong As A Foster Mother" .. Often I do not feel strong. I do not feel special or called. Most days I am tired and ungrateful.  Y’all, I am broken. I am flawed. I am learning as I go. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗱𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗼𝗼!  Of course there is a process and if this is not for you, you’ll know! But to start... do you have room? Not just in your home, but in your heart. No, really? Do you have love to give?  We decided that we have the room and the love to give.. and guess what? God provided the literal room. The home. When you walk in faith He truly paves the way. Our house is His.  𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲. So tell me, what are you afraid of? We all have fears.. me too, but remember...  F ear is the enemy of faith.  Okay listen, we are just two broken people, holding hands, stumbling along and loving others as we go! It is busy and fun and hard and scary but it is also worth it. 𝗬𝗮‘𝗹𝗹 𝗶𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗳𝘂𝗹𝗳𝗶𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗹𝘆 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗵 𝗶𝘁.   Ask me anything! Xoxo,
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It is hard

We have had the boys for three days now and I'll be honest, it feels like it's been a week. Today was a hard day. Y’all, it was a really hard day. Our 8 year old friend tested a lot of boundaries today. From hitting others and ignoring directions to slamming doors and yelling during work calls. It was a challenge. I was embarrassed, frustrated, helpless and exhausted. We understood now why we weren’t his first placement. It’s tough.  When Damien and I sat down to decompress tonight I told him I’ve fallen more in love with him through this process and I didn’t think I could love him more. He shared his appreciation for my pushing us to do this.  After a hard day we both felt grateful, not just for each other but for our 8 year old friend and the opportunity to learn and grow in love.  I told Damien tonight that I realized for the first time I know we are walking by faith. We said yes to kids we’d never seen and have loved them from the minute we met. I’m not talking the feeling
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What if

Our first placement left as quickly as she arrived and although it was short lived we were attached. We wanted to know where she was going, could she come back to us if she needed, and I had a list I wanted the next caregivers to know. She said she’d miss us as she left and just like that a piece of my heart went out the door with a smile and a wave.  No less than 72 hours later we got another call, this time for two boys. Brothers, ages 8 and 2! We will meet our newest friends tomorrow and so today .. I nest! I don’t know what other word to use to describe how I feel when preparing for children I’ve never met. It’s just like preparing for my newborn. Hoping I have it together but knowing I don’t. Getting things tidy, organized and ready for the unknown. I told my friend, Beth, this morning that I clean and organize to distract myself from the panic. That’s how I felt when I was pregnant too.What if he comes now and I’m not ready? What if he doesn’t like me??  I feel the same today. Wh
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We got the call

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  We got the news a week ago that we could officially take foster care placements and today our first one arrived. Our friend is 14, she is quiet, gentle and has exceptionalities. We went for a walk around the neighborhood as a family and she pushed our boy in his stroller and smiled as she told my husband about our trip to dollar tree for snacks, crayons and a coloring book. I’m awake now, while the house sleeps, anxiety stealing my rest. Is this the calm before the storm? I worry. Are we making her feel comfortable? Safe? Will she wake up tomorrow and be angry that she’s here? Will I try too hard with my people pleaser personality? Will our son bite her? (he’s 15 months and in that phase now). All the questions. All the thoughts. All the self-doubt.  And yet the love I feel trumps it all, gives me hope and peace. Knowing we have friends praying for us, a God that loves us, and a bed occupied by someone in need helps me breath out all the anxiousness. I don’t have to have the answers,
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